Perhaps this is so blatantly obvious to everyone else that when you read this, you’ll go “duh,” but have you ever noticed that the “man world” doesn’t give one iota about demystifying women? For me, this was like realizing you’re holding your keys after you just spent ten minutes looking for them. Recently I was flying cross-country, and since I cannot sleep on flights and get bored reading the same thing for more than 2 hours, I allowed myself one of the usual indulgences reserved only for special occasions – I gorged on magazines for the flight. Since I like variety, I grabbed everything from Cosmo to Redbook, Lucky to Women’s Health, tucked them into the monstrous bag I was claiming as a “purse,” and nestled into my seat. As I thumbed through the magazines and tried to forget I was crammed into a space no bigger than a matchbox, I realized that every single one of the magazines had at least one, if not multiple articles, on “how to ___ your man.” Fill in the blank with everything from “please” to “understand.” A particular article in Redbook caught my attention for the fact that the entire article was about how to understand your man’s gestures. For example, I think the typical woman would agree that if given the cliché bowling ball for her birthday, she would not be happy (unless she was an avid bowler, of course.) The article went on to explain that the man is not being insensitive; no, instead he is simply trying to incorporate her into his world, assuming he likes to bowl. If he doesn’t, well that just doesn’t make any damn sense. According to the (male) author, us women should feel happy that he wants us to watch the Big Game with him because he thinks we are special enough to allow into his world. I have no problem with this. In fact, I truly appreciate the insight. Naturally, while reading this article, I thought that there must be a counter-article in GQ or some other male-audience magazine explaining to men the meaning of women’s actions; that when we ask that they not over imbibe at our cousin’s wedding, it’s not because we are being controlling – it’s because we want them to maintain their faculties and be supportive when Aunt Jane starts in on us about whatever it is Aunt Jane says that bugs us.
Several days later as I prepared for my return flight, I found my way over to the airport news stand and began thumbing through GQ to see what articles there were about women. Let me preface by saying that I wasn’t so naïve to think that there would be much on the subject. Let’s face it – me like things straight-forward and simple. 2 + 2 = 4. They don’t care about the “why.” But to my shock and disappointment, I did not find a single article that provided men any shred of guidance. Not a single flipping one! Not even something as stupid as “how to hit on girls at a bar.” Zip. Zilch. Nadda.
Perhaps herein lies one of the problems, and by “problem,” I truly mean a problem with a solution. If everything in Women’s World (movies, tv, magazine, conversations with our girl friends) spends a significant amount of time analyzing men’s behavior, and nothing in Men’s World even acknowledges women’s behavior, then how are we ever going to meet in the middle? It’s like when no one even knew that smoking was bad in the 1950’s, so no one even thought to try something different. Is Man’s World so devoid of even the acknowledgment that we think and act differently?
Meet “A,” my current boyfriend. We have been dating for several months. He’s a great guy, for the most part. He definitely, though, envelops me into his world. Thank you, Redbook, for explaining to me that I should feel special that he wants me there for everything in his life. But what about when I am frustrated that he habitually shows up late for me? Where’s the GQ article explaining to him that it makes me feel like a low priority? Even when I say that, the very thought sounds preposterous to him. “How can I feel like a low priority when he brings me to poker night with the guys?”, he asks with obvious agitation.
I wish I had some sort of insightful conclusion here, but I don’t. Some may say that then fine, us gals should just quit caring about how to figure our fellas out. Eh, I don’t think that will solve anything except make it harder on our female hearts. But I should would appreciate it if GQ ran a quick 3-paragraph quip about the female heart alongside the monthly-featured hottie. What a service to all relationships everywhere that would be.
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